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View Full Version : Why France REALLY doesn't want to help us take out Saddam


cpud
03-13-2003, 10:18 PM
this is pretty long, but its got some very interesting factoids about France's 'great' :devil leader and his relationship with Saddam Hussein :alert

Saddam's pal, Chirac the rat

Date: February 11 2003

Once it was a champion of liberty. But under Jacques Chirac, France is just a pimp for the Iraqi President, writes Christopher Hitchens.

To say the history of human emancipation would be incomplete without the French would be to commit a fatal understatement. The Encyclopedists, the proclaimers of Les Droites de l'Homme, the generous ally of the American Revolution... the spark of 1789 and 1848 and 1871, can be found all the way from the first political measure to abolish slavery, through Victor Hugo and Emile Zola and Jean Jaures, to the gallantry of Jean Moulin and the Maquis resistance. French ideas and French heroes have animated the struggle for liberty throughout modern times.

There is of course another France - the France of Petain and Poujade and Vichy and of the filthy colonial tactics pursued in Algeria and Indochina.

Sometimes the United States has been in excellent harmony with the first France - as when Thomas Paine was given the key of the Bastille to bring to Washington, and as when Lafayette and Rochambeau made France the "oldest ally". Sometimes American policy has been inferior to that of many French people - one might instance Roosevelt's detestation of de Gaulle. The Eisenhower-Dulles administration encouraged the French in a course of folly in Vietnam, and went so far as to inherit it. Kennedy showed a guarded sympathy for Algerian independence, at a time when France was too arrogant to listen to his advice. So it goes.

Lord Palmerston was probably right when he said a nation can have no permanent allies, only permanent interests. It is not to be expected that any proud, historic country can be automatically counted "in".

However, the conduct of Jacques Chirac can hardly be analysed in these terms. Here is a man who had to run for re-election last year in order to preserve his immunity from prosecution, on charges of corruption that were grave. Here is a man who helped Saddam Hussein build a nuclear reactor and who knew very well what he wanted it for. Here is a man at the head of France who is, in effect, openly for sale. He puts me in mind of the banker in Flaubert's L'Education Sentimentale: a man so habituated to corruption that he would happily pay for the pleasure of selling himself.

Here, also, is a positive monster of conceit. He has unctuously said that "force is always the last resort". Vraiment? This was not the view of the French establishment when troops were sent to Rwanda to try to rescue the client regime that had just unleashed ethnocide against the Tutsi. It is not, one presumes, the view of the French generals who are treating the people and nation of Cote d'Ivoire as their fief. It was not the view of those who ordered the destruction of an unarmed ship, the Rainbow Warrior, as it lay at anchor in a New Zealand harbour after protesting against the French official practice of conducting atmospheric nuclear tests in the Pacific. (I am aware that some of these outrages were conducted when the French Socialist Party was in power, but in no case did Chirac express anything other than patriotic enthusiasm. If there is a truly "unilateralist" government on the UN Security Council, it is France.)

We are all aware of the fact that French companies and the French state are owed immense sums of money by Saddam. We all very much hope no private gifts to any French political figures have been made by the Iraqi Baath Party, even though such scruple on either side would be anomalous to say the least. Is it possible there is any more to it than that? The future government in Baghdad may very well not consider itself responsible for paying Saddam's debts. Does this alone condition the Chirac response to a fin de regime in Iraq?

Alas, no. Recent days brought tidings of an official invitation to Paris for Robert Mugabe. The President-for-life of Zimbabwe may have many charms, but spare cash is not among them. His treasury is as empty as the stomachs of his people. No, when the plumed parade brings Mugabe up the Champs Elysees, the only satisfaction for Chirac will be the sound of a petty slap in the face to Tony Blair, who has recently tried to abridge Mugabe's freedom to travel. Thus we are forced to think that French diplomacy, as well as being for sale or for hire, is chiefly preoccupied with extracting advantage and prestige from the difficulties of its allies.

This can and should be distinguished from the policy of Germany. Berlin does not have a neutralist constitution, like Japan or Switzerland. But it has a strong presumption against military intervention outside its own border and Herr Schroeder, however cheaply he plays this card, is still playing a hand one may respect. One does not find German statesmen positively encouraging the delinquents of the globe, in order to reap opportunist advantages and to excite local chauvinism.

Chirac's party is "Gaullist". Charles de Gaulle had a colossal ego, but he felt himself compelled at a crucial moment to represent une certaine idee de la France, at a time when that nation had been betrayed into serfdom and shame by its political and military establishment. He was later adroit in extracting his country from its vicious policy in North Africa, and gave good advice to the US about avoiding the same blunder in Indochina. His concern for French glory and tradition sometimes led him into error, as with his bombastic statements about "Quebec libre".

But he always refused to take seriously the claims of the Soviet Union to own Poland and Hungary and the Czech lands and eastern Germany. He didn't believe it would or could last: he had a sense of history.

To the permanent interests of France, he insisted on attaching une certain idee de la liberte as well. He would have nodded approvingly at Vaclav Havel's statement - his last as Czech president - speaking boldly about the rights of the people of Iraq. And one likes to think he would have had a fine contempt for his pygmy successor, the vain and posturing and venal man who, attempting to act the part of a balding Joan of Arc in drag, is making France into the abject procurer for Saddam.

This is a case of the rat that tried to roar.

Christopher Hitchens is a columnist for Vanity Fair and the author, most recently, of Why Orwell Matters (Basic, 2002).

ana
03-13-2003, 10:24 PM
France is grrrreat!

(this is an email i was sent since i am a french major)...



Gallic Wars Lost

In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is
conquered by, of all things, an Italian.



Hundred Years War Won!

Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The
First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a
Frenchman."



Italian Wars Lost

France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting
Italians.



Wars of Religion Lost

France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots



Thirty Years War Tie!

France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a
tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.



War of Devolution Tie!

Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

Brett95GST (8:57:25 PM): The Dutch War Tie!



War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost/Claimed Tie

Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the
world over to label the period as the height of French military power.



War of the Spanish Succession Lost

The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have
loved ever since.



American Revolution Won..ish

In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win
even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de
Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins
when America does most of the fighting."



French Revolution Won!

Won primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.



The Napoleonic Wars Lost

Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who
ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.



The Franco-Prussian War Lost

Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a
Saturday night.



Brett95GST (8:57:33 PM): World War I Won..ish

Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of
French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who
doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces
forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.



World War II Lost

Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they
finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.



War in Indochina Lost

French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu



Algerian Rebellion Lost

Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the
Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the
French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians,
Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.



War on Terrorism

France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just
to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes
refuge in a McDonald's. The question for any country silly enough to count on the
French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until
France collapses?"



Brett95GST (8:57:41 PM): and some quotes from leaders around the world



"Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion."
Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense



"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of
France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh.



"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on
eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy
Blunt (MO)



"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in
Iraq." Dennis Miller



"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national
will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller



"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan
O'Brien



"I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam
out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." Jay
Leno



Brett95GST (8:57:57 PM): Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as
they entered thecity in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?



"The last time the French ask for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a
German flag." David Letterman



"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's
because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.



"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed
us." -Alan Kent

X-Gote
03-13-2003, 10:28 PM
oh yeah look at how much I know

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:kitty :kitty :kitty :daeth :daeth :daeth <-- those don't work.. :(

X-Gote
03-13-2003, 11:01 PM
I really hate politics.. but.. I can't believe that after all the times we've bailed France out they still manage to wave their pimp hand around. I bet that Chirac bastard is the mastermind behind everything.

France can't do anything without someones help and they will only form alliances with anyone if it smells like money.. look at WW2.

"nous ne vous donnerons pas l'extension autour de mais nous collerons sommes des robinets à votre arrière "

cpud
03-13-2003, 11:08 PM
they dont call Chirac 'Le Worm' for nothing you know :D